• Vows (Paul and Tracy’s wedding)

    PatMay 15, 2008

    Just a few weeks ago I was honored to be able to officiate the wedding ceremony for my dear friend Paul and his lovely new bride, Tracy.

    They wrote their vows for this ceremony, and I thought they were excellent vows. Both have been married before, and both have children - so they chose to make vows to each other and also vows to their new spouse’s child(ren). I’ve never seen that set of vows done before, but the effect was fantastic.

    The vows they made to each other were these:

    I, _____ , take you, ______, to be my [husband/wife], my constant friend, my partner, my love and my lover. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner when our lives are at peace and when they are in turmoil, in times of joy and in times of sorrow. I promise to love you passionately and compassionately, to comfort and encourage you, to laugh with you and cry with you. From the depths of my being, I will grow with you in mind and in spirit. I will honor our marriage as a means to grow into all that God created me to be and for us to be together. I give you this, with my whole heart, for all eternity.

    I love this. I love their recognition that life has ups and downs, and I especially love their willingness to help each other grow as individuals of faith and as a marriage based on faith.

    But my favorite part of the ceremony was the second set of vows. Paul made vows to Tracy’s daughter, and Tracy made the same vows to Paul’s daughter and son.

    This is what they vowed. I’m using Paul’s vow as the example, but you can translate for the other side, I’m sure.

    ____, I promise to always to treat you with great care, love, and respect. I will give you encouragement and guidance and will always be there for you in any way I can. I promise to support you in your relationship with both your mother and father and I will listen with all my heart to your joys and your sorrows as your constant friend and support. I also promise to model for you a positive, loving and supportive relationship with your Mom with the belief that one day you too will find such happiness in love. I will do all I can to be the best model of Jesus Christ’s love for you, knowing that you will find true, abundant life in God. I can’t wait to be your step-Dad.

    When Paul and Tracy emailed these vows to me, I was blown away. Reading them, I loved them, and loved their hearts as parents and step-parents. And when, during the ceremony, I read the vow so that they could repeat me (while kneeling in front of their new step-child), I had a hard time not tearing up and getting through it. I know much of their stories as a new family, and so I know something of why they chose to say these words. But most importantly, I know how powerful it was for those children to hear and to know what their parent and step-parent were committing to for life.

    Weddings are often sacred moments, but this one - this one was the best example of a holy moment that I’ve been able to participate in. And those vows - both sets - did so much to make the ceremony so powerful.

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    Three Lifegiving Priniciples (Monastic Vows)

    PatMay 14, 2008

    As folks who’ve been reading here for a few months have noticed, my spiritual journey has taken me down a bit more structured path, and I’ve been talking a lot about religious orders, neo-monasticism, vows and Rules of Life. This post continues that trend and introduces monastic vows and what I’m thinking about them in the context of my own life. In particular, as I continue to explore the possibility of joining the Community of Aidan and Hilda, understanding how their Way of Life would help me to grow spiritually is a huge topic.

    So, some background to the idea of vows:

    If you were to be thinking about entering a traditional monastery anytime soon, you’d be thinking about vows that, over the course of time, you would explore and live into, and at some point you and the community would decide together if you were called to live faithfully pursuing.

    In many monasteries, you would vow to pursue Poverty, Chastity, Obedience. These three vows form the basis of the disciplined spiritual life for those in religious orders. (Wikipedia on Religious vows)

    In a monastery influenced by the Benedictine Rule (and most are heavily influenced by this), your vows would likely be a similar, earlier form of these three: Stability, ‘Conversatio’, and Obedience. Why are these vows different? Let’s let the Benedictine Sisters answer:

    [Q]: Why don’t you vow poverty, chastity and obedience?

    [A]: Our Benedictine vows come from the Rule of Saint Benedict which was written centuries before poverty, chastity and obedience became the standard vows.

    Saint Benedict’s vows (or promises as he called them) are stability, ‘conversatio’ and obedience. Stability is a commitment of lifelong fidelity to God and our Congregation. ‘Conversatio’ is a commitment to embrace all of monastic life as a path to holiness and conversion. This includes poverty or simplicity of life and chastity. Obedience is a vow of listening, responsive love to the voice of God as it comes to us through prayer, the Rule of Saint Benedict, Scripture, our prioress and our sisters. (Source: Benedictine Sisters of Perpetual Adoration)

    In more contemporary communities these topics for vows may take different shapes. In communities which include people who are engaged in family or contemporary work, these vows take that reality into account. Any neo-monastic or intentional community likely has written or unwritten vows.

    OK for a starting point?

    The Community of Aidan and Hilda in the US as a religious order in this form, welcoming singles and marrieds, young and old, families and houses and churches, etc., expresses their community Way of Life in a similar form. They speak of three Live-Giving Principles Simplicity, Purity, Obedience.

    In common with many communities within Christianity we have three vows. These are SIMPLICITY, CHASTITY, and OBEDIENCE which we understand as principles, not rules. SIMPLICITY means the willingness to be poor or rich for God according to his direction. We resist the temptations to be greedy or possessive, and we will not manipulate people or creation for our own ends. We are bold to use all we have for God without fear of possible poverty. CHASTITY means accepting and giving to God our whole being including our sexuality. We love all people as Christ commands, but the specific emotions and intimacy of sexual relations are expressed only in married life. Some will be given a gift of marriage, others a gift of celibacy. Both are to be equally respected and rejoiced in. We respect every other person as belonging to God, and we are available to them with generosity and openness. OBEDIENCE is the joyful abandonment of ourselves to God. The root of obedience is in attentive listening to God, because the longing of our hearts is to obey him. We honor those whom God has placed in authority over us, and we seek to recognize and respect the gifts, roles and authority of those who work alongside us in the community of the church. (Source: The Ten Elements of the Aidan Way of Life)

    Over the next while, I’m going to be journaling (at least partly via this blog) my thoughts about committing to vows of simplicity, chastity (purity) and obedience. I’m thinking of it as something of a commentary and journal on those topics, mostly written to myself, but you’re welcome to join the ride.

    After I feel that I have a handle on those 3 principles, then I’m planning to work through the 10 elements of the Community’s rule.

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