In the Coracle

Judging People, and Adoptive Mothers

August 28, 2008 // No Comments »

I’m listening to This American Life podcast episode #362, which is about how we judge people on the basis of surface issues. Like every This American Life episode, this is well worth listening to. Especially this act:

Act Three. Yes, No or Baby.

There are some situations where making judgments about people based on limited amounts of information is not only accepted, but required. One of those situations is open adoption, where birth mothers actually choose the adoptive parents for their child. TAL producer Nancy Updike talks to a pregnant woman named Kim going through the first stage of open adoption: reading dozens of letters from prospect parents, all of whom seem utterly capable and appealing. With so many likeable candidates to choose from, Kim ends up focusing on tiny details of people’s lives. (6 minutes)

This reminds me of our experience as adoptive parents. We wrote just such an introductory letter, agonizing over which pictures to select and how to describe ourselves. We included pictures of us with our dogs, in our house, me with my motorcycles - thinking that these things would help to distinguish us from other prospective adopting families. We wrote about our work, our hobbies (mountain biking and hiking surely included).

Our birthmom chose us because we were the first family that came up on the list in Washington. That was it. I’m sure she read our letter, but she made a big decision quickly, and was convinced. It happened so quickly that our attorney told us we should walk away; that she would change her mind and it wasn’t worth the risk. But she didn’t, and it was.

And we have a great ongoing relationship with her. She’s part of our family, and we’re part of hers. She now lives in North Bend where we live, and we see her every week or two. And when we introduce her to others - or when she interacts with our friends, or our extended family, there’s always this weird awkward dynamic where we know that they’re judging her but don’t really know her. For a couple of years, some of the extended family was pretty mean, actually, and we shut that down.

I can only imagine what her extended family says about us. We don’t get any sense of that from her.

However, our relationship, which began 7 months before Kaileigh was born six years ago, has been truly a blessing for each of us.

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Posted in Family

Prayer for tragedy in Steven Curtis Chapman’s family

May 22, 2008 // No Comments »

This gut-punch news just came in today:

The 5-year-old daughter of Grammy-winning Christian music star Steven Curtis Chapman was struck and killed Wednesday by a sport utility vehicle driven by her brother, authorities said.

Here’s the story on CNN.

The Chapman family have been strong advocates for adoption, having adopted three daughters from China, including the young girl who died today.

Please keep the family in prayer as they go through this horrific experience.

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Posted in Faith

Glad You're Here

Welcome to In the Coracle, Pat Loughery's blog. Make yourself at home, and do join in the conversation by commenting on what you find here.

I blog a lot these days about spirituality and spiritual formation, and I have a particular interest in learning from the early Christian church's approach to spirituality and mission.

I'm a student at Bakke Graduate University, studying for a Doctor of Ministry in Transformational Leadership for the Global City. Here's my working thesis:

I am studying Celtic, Benedictine and Orthodox monasticism because I want to discover what frameworks these spiritualities provide so that my reader may understand how spiritual formation serves God’s mission.

You can read more about me and this blog at the About page.