The essence of Christian spirituality is following Christ on a journey of personal transformation. The distant land to which we are called is not heaven. Nor is it some external, physical place. The distant land is the new creature into which Christ wishes to fashion us – the whole and holy person that finds his or her uniqueness, identity and calling in Christ. Spiritual friends accompany each other on that journey.

- “Sacred Companions: The Gift of Spiritual Friendship & Direction” (David G. Benner), p. 26

And, what does it look like when we get there?

The intended destination of the Christian journey has been described in a variety of ways. Often it is depicted in terms of becoming Christlike, acquiring the fruit of the Spirit or becoming holy. The Westminster Confession describes it as coming to know God and enjoying him forever. Eastern Orthodox Christians have frequently spoken of moving from imaging God to resembling him (thus emphasizing what Western Protestants have described as sanctification). Roman Catholics have typically spoken of the goal of the journey as union with God. Each of these captures important interrelated dimensions of the personal transformation that is part of being a Christ follower. They can, I think, be summarized by three closely interrelated master goals of the journey: (1) becoming a great lover, (2) becoming whole and holy, and (3) becoming our true self-in-Christ.
- Benner, Sacred Companions, 32

“Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture” (Adam S. McHugh)

Adam McHugh describes himself as a Presbyterian minister, spiritual director, wine lover, Seattle sports fan, and introvert. (As an admitted fan of Seattle sports teams, he’s well acquainted with longsuffering and disappointment.)

Here’s his thesis: Although introverts make up slightly over 50% of the population, the American culture and American church culture (particularly in evangelicalism) are strongly biased towards extroversion and extroverted leaders. Introverts can and should participate and lead from their own gifts, not by trying to be who they are not. And because we as leaders and the organizations we lead think positively of extroversion and negatively of introversion, we introverted leaders find ourselves leading inauthentically and ineffectively.

Introversion is a personality preference (or a wiring), and from the Meyers-Biggs typology system we find three primary characteristics of introversion. These characteristics are tendencies and not absolutes, but in my experience they certainly ring true.

1. Introverts are energized by solitude. Time with other people (especially large groups and strangers) drains us of energy. This does not mean that we are antisocial or impersonal, simply that we need solitude to recharge after being with people. Extroverts, by contrast, lose energy in solitude and gain it around other people.

2. Introverts process information internally. We need to filter information and experiences in our inner world. We can get overwhelmed by too much information or input if we haven’t kept up on processing. Extroverts tend to process information externally, often by speaking though what they are thinking, trying out ideas as they speak whether they believe what they saying or not.

3. Introverts prefer depth over breadth. We tend to have fewer but more intimate friends than extroverts, who tend to have more, less intimate friends. We tend to have depth in fewer interests. We desire to deeply understand ourselves and our inner lives.

Given these tendencies, consider the average American evangelical church worship gathering. It is large, loud, multimedia focused. Interaction with other attendees is expected and encouraged. The expectation is that members will engage in large group experiences and in smaller group sessions, and will engage in a variety of activities. Leaders are expected to know everyone, at least in passing, but to be able to interact with each individual. Conferences and seminars are long, tightly programmed, busy and offer little time for reflection.

The most valued leadership traits are being energized being around people, being able and willing to lead a wide variety of areas and teams, being quick to speak and think.

We have a disconnect, don’t we?

At this point, McHugh could simply complain about the state of the church, and issue a prophetic (demanding) call for change. However, he instead shapes the conversation in a healthy way – positively encouraging change by both introverts and extroverts (not discounting that both tendencies exist, but bringing both streams together as a whole).

Just to summarize the focuses of the remaining chapters, the book looks at spirituality for introverts (heavy emphasis on contemplative); community and relationship for introverts (finding the right fit and giving ourselves permission to opt out of the busyness); introverted leadership (lead by giving away; looking at Jonathan Edwards, Mother Teresa and Martin Luther King Jr. as introverted leaders); leading as ourselves (give ourselves permission to not be extroverted and to lead from who we truly are); introverted evangelism (relationship wins, small and practical is great); and being an introverted church members (rethink expectations, give people room to process differently).

I’ve got notes and highlights and comments all throughout this book. It’s not that often that I read a book that is so unique and yet so practical, and one that makes me feel like the author gets it (and me). Many times I thought, “Exactly! I’m not crazy after all; I’m not the only introvert who wonders if God called me just to laugh at my struggles.”

Are there weak spots? Of course. My main complaint is that the church leadership perspective is written toward the context of leading relatively large churches as a paid staff member. I think this colors some of the thinking around leadership form transitions. Specifically, it could be helpful to talk about introverted leaders being strong in house church networks, new monastic communities, or other forms of small/simple churches – and many introverted leaders I know have shifted into these church forms.

Similarly, I would have liked to hear more about Adam’s work in spiritual direction to blend with the good chunk of information about preaching, for example. The leadership model being examined is the quite-common corporate/business leader template which much of the American church uses as its primary model.

So here’s the bottom line.

- If you’re a leader – not just pastor or teacher, but a people-influencer… in the church, or anywhere else

- if you’re an introvert (and are worn out trying to be extroverted, even unintentionally)

- If you’re an extrovert who just doesn’t get why half your church doesn’t think and act like you..

… you will be greatly helped and deeply blessed by reading Introverts in the Church.

If you lead a church with a team of staff, read it with them. Do a group discussion. Give introverts on your staff a voice. (Or if you’re the introvert, hear from the extroverts).

I don’t think it’s at all an overstatement to say that this is an extremely important book, which may just save your sanity by reminding you who you truly are, and who your complement truly is also.

I would wish this book upon all the leaders that I know, in addition to Henri Nouwen’s In the Name of Jesus, and Jean Vanier’s Becoming Human. A Christian church which had wrestled through these books would change the world.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the author. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising

The next two quotes are good words on spiritual direction from a uniquely Christian perspective, from SDI World.

The whole purpose of spiritual direction is to penetrate beneath the surface of a person’s life, to get behind the façade of conventional gestures and attitudes which one presents to the world, and to bring out one’s inner spiritual freedom, one’s inmost truth, which is what [Christians] call the likeness of Christ in one’s soul. This is an entirely supernatural (spiritual) thing, for the work of rescuing the inner person from automatism belongs first of all to the Holy Spirit. (Thomas Merton)

And another statement:

Spiritual direction is the process of helping every believer realize her or his own soul freedom and to help everyone accept the responsibility of developing a relationship to God through Jesus Christ while in community. Some spiritual guidance practices that strengthen that relationship include spoken and extemporaneous prayer in formal and informal worship; participation in challenging learning communities; dialogue on scripture, faith practice, and mission; personal study and interpretation of scripture; silence, meditation and use of the labyrinth in some associated churches. (Rev. Catherine Fransson, Seattle First Baptist Church, American Baptist)

My friend Dwight Friesen wrote an excellent blog entry on spiritual direction, of which this is an excerpt:

Spiritual direction is not the same as therapy or counseling. While at first glance counseling and spiritual direction may seem similar, It is important to recognize some of the distinctions.

1. Spiritual Direction assumes relative emotional and psychological health whereas therapy assumes issues to be worked through.

2. Spiritual Directors will share from their own life experience and sojourn whereas Counselors guard against such disclose.

3. In Spiritual Direction the goal is to learn to dance with God, hearing God’s voice and seeing God’s activity in the directee’s life whereas the goal of therapy is to regain health so as to function productively as a member of society.

4. Most Spiritual Directors are not not licensed and trained counselors, nor do they claim to be therapists. Though at times, I will work with a person who is seeing a counselor while they are seeking spiritual direction.

I’ve written a few other thoughts on spiritual direction on this blog.

For the past months, I’ve received spiritual direction and have also been blessed to find a soul-friend in the Celtic style. I highly recommend these practices and hope you can find someone to help you on your journey also.

In writing my summary of this book I found a section that is really helpful to me as I’m formulating my own Way of Life. I’m writing this partly for the class that I most recently took, but mostly as part of my participating in the Community of Aidan and Hilda; I’ll write more about my own journey with this Rule here along the way.

In this book, Guenther is discussing spiritual direction, and in particular in this section of the book, the way that a director must function as a good teacher of spirituality. She writes,

There are so many avenues [to praying more helpfully] – praying imaginatively in the Ignatian way or following the author of The Cloud in imageless prayer; praying with the aid of icons, crucifixes, candles and rosaries; praying standing, sitting, kneeling, and prostrate; praying through keeping a journal; praying the Jesus Prayer of the Heart; letting Scripture speak to us through the method of lectio divina. It is a rich feast, and it is important for the [spiritual] director to be sparing with suggestions. Too much at once is an excessively lavish buffet at which spiritual indigstion and spiritual gluttony are both real dangers. (p. 72)

Prayer practices are of course a portion of how we choose to order our life, but many of us seek to organize more of our spiritual practices. Guenther writes,

People also come to spiritual direction seeking aid in formulating a rule of life.[...]

A good rule goes beyond the narrowly devotional. if we are to be whole people, it must be more than a schedule for our visiting hours with God [...]

There is a common tendency to try to take on too much, to try to live a monastic life amidst the stimuli and pressures of the everyday late twentieth century world. Instead of retreating to a quiet oratory for morning prayer, many people begin their day with an hour on the interstate or in crowded public transportation. Can the rule of life be adapted to turn a commute into a place and time of pryer? How does one manage extended periods of contemplative prayer when there is a new baby in the house, or perhaps a few toddlers underfoot as well? A rule of life for people living in families, where each member is at a different place spiritually, calls for creativity and flexibility. And most of us live with the absence of community support; it is a painful fact that seriously observant Christians are in the minority in our society.

Someone once likened a rule of life to a rose trellis. Its purpose is to support, to set us free from the tyranny of “shoulds” and “oughts”, in other words, to set us free for growth. As such, it is an instrument to be used and adapted, rather than a monument carved in stone.

A good rule deals with traditional matters of devotional practice, but goes farther to encompass the stewardship of energy, creativity, and time. (p. 72-73)

Later, the author brings this helpful challenge:

Finally, there needs to be a provision for sheer fun. It was a joyous insight when I realized that in Middle English “silly” meant blessed,” cognate with the modern German selig. So I find myself asking directees, “What have you put in this rule for fun? Where is the blessed silliness in it?” (p. 75)

“The art of spiritual direction lies in our uncovering the obvious in our lives and in realizing that everyday events are the means by which God tries to reach us.”

- Alan Jones, in the preface to the book “Holy Listening: The Art of Spiritual Direction” (Margaret Guenther)

“Sacred Companions: The Gift of Spiritual Friendship & Direction” (David G. Benner)

Sacred Companions

by David G. Benner

InterVarsity Press (2002)

Description of the Book

Sacred Companions describes spiritual friendship and spiritual direction for the contemporary Christian who wishes to be intentional about growing in their Christian life. Benner writes as a psychologist and a spiritual director, specifically aiming to describe these ancient practices to protestant Christians for whom the practices are new and unfamiliar.

Interpretation of the Book

The book is organized in three major sections. The first describes spiritual friendship, an intentional relationship in which spiritual growth is a stated goal. The second section focuses on spiritual direction, and the third section outlines specific scenarios combining friendship and direction, for small groups and in marriages.

The author writes comfortably, providing an approachable environment for Christians of all backgrounds who wish to grow in fruitfulness and seek spiritual accompaniment as the means to help them. Benner lightly references his background as a psychologist, but focuses more on his (mostly self-trained) spiritual direction practice. He introduces classic practices such as centering prayer and the Ignatian Examen, usually by telling stories of his experience as a director or a directee.

Application

This may be the friendliest, most approachable book available on the art of spiritual direction.

It strongly prefers the approach of spiritual direction to more general spiritual friendship, but makes only passing reference to the Celtic approach of anamchara, or soul friendship. The last section’s discussion of spiritual accompaniment in small groups is intriguing, and the author has great hopes for this blend of spiritual friendship and the small group movement. I found myself wanting more information on this subject. He also writes from his experience working with his wife in bi-directional spiritual direction.

I must also note here that the book’s hidden gem is its 28-page annotated bibliography, organized by topics and referencing current and classic works in related fields. This section of the book would be worth the cover price, even if the book were disappointing.

Being genuinely present to someone also means being willing to be touched by him or her. If I genuinely bring myself to a relationship, I must be prepared to be changed by it. Anything less than this means that I am not totally present. Being genuinely present means that I may be affected by your feelings. I may be influenced by your beliefs.

“Sacred Companions: The Gift of Spiritual Friendship & Direction” (David G. Benner), p. 52

When people think of ‘spiritual formation’ they think of a variety of things, usually from some very specific practices – perhaps contemplative prayer, perhaps lectio divina, or spiritual direction.

Here’s what T Freeman says in a comment on that discussion:

We are spiritual beings, and we all get formed a little every day. Everything we do, everything we see, all our experiences and decisions help to form us into what we become. You could also substitute “people” or “a book” or “an idea” for “God” in the above statement and it would also be true. Christian spiritual formation efforts are built on the premise that if we want to be formed over time into people that resemble Christ, we’re going to have to take sensical, pro-active steps (of varioius kinds) to make space for his influence, to practice his way of thinking and acting, and to resist counter-influences without and within. We’re all getting a spiritual formation; it’s just a question of what we’re being formed into. Jesus just doesn’t tend to be as pushy as other influences.

Community, solitude, reading, thinking, eating, fasting, rest, meditation, plain old work, driving–these can all be done so as to pull us further from or in deeper union with Christ. Unfortunately, formation away from Christlikeness will happen rather naturally and without thought or intention, whereas being formed toward Christlikeness usually takes some long-term intentionality, thinking and some effort.

That’s a great summary in my viewpoint.  The thing is, spiritual formation is seen today as ‘optional’, or only for the (super spiritual | new agey | Catholic) types.  But we’re always being formed spiritually, physically, emotionally.  We can choose how we’re formed to a great extent.

The question for spiritual formation is, ‘Do you want to be formed by Oprah, or by punk rock, or by the power of positive thinking, or by Ten Steps groups, or by ESPN’s Baseball tonight, or by keeping up with the Joneses, or by Apple’s commercials on TV, or…’.  What do you want to be formed by?  Why?

“Prevenience is the conviction that God has been working diligently, redemptively, and strategically before I appeared on the scene, before I was aware there was something for me to do here… Like one who walks in late to a meeting, I am entering a complex situation in which God has already said decisive words and acted in decisive ways. My work is not necessarily to announce that but to discover what He is doing and live appropriately with it.”

“The Contemplative Pastor: Returning to the Art of Spiritual Direction” (Eugene H. Peterson)

via Bob Hyatt over at PastorHacks

Well done Bob on finding that great quote from one of the best books on pastoral ministry ever written.

This theological point is one that makes a deep impact on how we see people. If we believe in prevenience (prevenient grace), then we see that God is at work ahead of us, and we partner with the work of God as it’s revealed to us. It means that the Kingdom is a partnership between God and us, and it means that our role is very specifically subservient to God’s. I think there is vast Scriptural evidence for this view point – John 5:19-20 and Ephesians 2:10 come immediately to mind.

A worldview based on God’s prevenience means that we must constantly be attentive to the work of God around us and conscious of the interactive leadership of God toward us. It means we cannot take anything for granted – relationships, coincidences, people crossing our paths, our daily decisions.

That makes for an exciting journey, and one in which I’m not the one in control.